


Always Blow on the Pie

by Alexandria (heartfullofelves)



Category: Wellington Paranormal (TV)
Genre: Case Fic, Gen, Humour, New Zealand, Yuletide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2019-12-15
Packaged: 2021-01-24 04:10:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21332065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartfullofelves/pseuds/Alexandria
Summary: The film crew follows Officers Minogue and O’Leary as they investigate a series of fire-breathing incidents.
Comments: 18
Kudos: 25
Collections: Yuletide 2019





	Always Blow on the Pie

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redsnake05](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redsnake05/gifts).

**Wellington Paranormal Office**

**Evening**

At eight o’clock, the film crew arrives and sets up. Camera Guy notices that Officer O’Leary looks less than thrilled about being called in, and wonders if she had to cancel a date – it seems the members of the Wellington Paranormal Unit don’t get the most fulfilling personal lives. Officer Minogue, on the other hand, is grinning like an idiot. It’s safe to bet that he knows why they’ve been called in.

Camera Guy is so focused on setting up a decent angle in Sergeant Maaka’s tiny office that he almost misses the part when Maaka tells his team about the new case. Camera Guy could’ve sworn he heard “fire-breathing” and “Pak’nSave car park” in the same sentence. It isn’t the most surprising thing he’s heard since joining this project, but his attention now is now on Maaka.

“I knew it!” says Minogue, doing something weird with his hands that Camera Guy can’t capture.

O’Leary look sideways at him. “How did you know, Minogue?”

Minogue pulls a rolled-up newspaper out of his uniform. O’Leary pulls a face, while Maaka remarks that he doesn’t want to know where the newspaper has been. The article Minogue points to reports that three people have spontaneously breathed fire while standing in the car park at the Pak’nSave in Petone. Camera Guy lingers on the headline.

Maaka nods. “I’m glad to see you’re interested in current events. Informed police officers make better officers.”

Minogue looks sheepish. “I just like the Petone Pak’nSave. They sell good pies.”

“Do you want us to go over there now, Sarge?” O’Leary asks. “Do some questioning?”

Sergeant Maaka checks the time on his wrist. Then he checks the time on his phone, because he isn’t wearing a watch. No-one wears a watch anymore, Camera Guy thinks. It’s kind of sad.

“No,” says Maaka. “These incidents happened in daylight, so you’ll be better off waiting until tomorrow.”

“Good point.” O’Leary nods. “We’ll go in the morning.”

Minogue grins. “Looks like we won’t need to bring lunch tomorrow.”

**Petone, Lower Hutt**

**Next Morning**

The film crew arrives at Pak’nSave at 10 o’clock sharp. Windy Welly is showing her true colours today, causing havoc with their set up. Minogue and O’Leary question a couple of shoppers, but the wind ruins the audio recording even when they retreat under the sheltered part of the car park, so they won’t be able to use it. Poor Sound Guy tried his best.

After talking to one more family in the car park, O’Leary suggests to her partner that they go inside the supermarket.

“Good idea,” says Minogue, looking at Camera Guy, who’s braced against the wind. “It’s getting a bit chilly. I put on my summer singlet this morning instead of my winter one.”

O’Leary glances at the camera, then back at Minogue. “I was thinking it would be more useful to talk to the staff who were here at the time of the incidents, rather than a few random shoppers.”

“Righto.”

Once inside the supermarket, O’Leary goes to talk to the checkout staff, while Minogue covers the shop floor. The film crew follows Minogue, with the rationale that it will make for more interesting footage than O’Leary shuffling from checkout to checkout.

Minogue points out the bakery. “These,” he says, gesturing at the cabinet, “are the best pies in in the Wellington region. My favourite is the steak and chee—aw, no, they’ve sold out.” Disappointment clouds his face. “Lucky they still have steak and mushroom. You guys want one?”

Camera Guy’s stomach growls, making Sound Guy frown at him. But they both say yes.

Minogue and the film crew are devouring their pies outside the supermarket when O’Leary joins them. She turns to the camera without even an eyebrow twitch. “It seems that Officer Minogue has decided to have an early lunch. Usually the more professional option would be to eat _after_ getting some information about the situation. Ah, but as you can see, he did not pick that option.”

Minogue swallows a mouthful of pie and Camera Guy, using the hand not holding his own pie, captures a fantastic shot of Minogue regretting taking such a big bite. “Hot,” he gasps.

Once he has blown out a few breaths of hot air, he says, “In this instance, I thought it was important that I—that the film crew didn’t faint from hunger.”

Clearing her throat, O’Leary looks back at the camera. “Well. While Minogue here was refuelling, I spoke to the checkout staff about the incidents we’re here to investigate. Fortunately for us, the supermarket has security cameras in the car park. So we can take a look at that footage and see what we can learn. Let’s go.”

Camera Guy shoves the rest of his pie in his mouth, almost choking in his rush to follow.

The security officer, a tall, friendly woman named Tui Taylor, shows Minogue and O’Leary to her office and loads up the security tapes.

“Obviously, we will need to find the footage of each incident, then see if there’s any pattern,” says O’Leary. “Can you send us the footage from the days the incidents occurred?”

Tui nods. “I can send you footage from the days of the two most recent incidents, but not the first one, because we don’t keep the tapes for that long. Also, it’ll take you ages to find the events, because there’s multiple cameras.”

“That’s very helpful. Thanks, Tui.”

“You’re welcome.”

O’Leary and Tui share appreciative looks, and Camera Guy notices a hint of pink in O’Leary’s cheeks. He raises his eyebrows while Minogue’s face remains the perfect picture of obliviousness.

After some more questions, the officers leave the supermarket and Minogue calls Sergeant Maaka to update him. “We’ve got a copy of the supermarket’s security footage. But it sounds like we’ll need heaps of time to find anything useful. Permission to have Constable Parker’s assistance?”

There is a long silence from the other end, during which Camera Guy zooms in on Minogue’s hopeful face and O’Leary’s frowny face, before Maaka sighs. “Permission granted. Anything else?”

O’Leary clears her throat. “The staff member who gave us the footage might know more than she’s letting on. Permission for me to keep a close eye on her, Sarge?”

Camera Guy shares an amused glance with Sound Guy, who had also watched the interaction between the two women with interest.

“That sounds wise, O’Leary,” says Maaka. “Are you coming back to the office now?”

“Yes. Would you like me to bring you back a pie?” Minogue asks. “They were out of steak and cheese this morning, but they’ve got all the other kinds.”

O’Leary folds her arms, looking unimpressed.

“No thank you, Minogue. And I would appreciate if you stopped thinking with your stomach.”

“Righto. See you soon.”

**Wellington Paranormal Office**

**Next Morning**

“Thank you for coming in so early,” Sergeant Maaka says at half past seven. “There’s been a breakthrough in our case.”

O’Leary and Minogue look at each other and nod, impressed. “That’s great, Sarge. What is it?”

“First of all, we owe a debt of gratitude to Constable Parker, who stayed up all night doing the painstaking task of going through hours and hours of CCTV footage.”

That explains why Camera Guy saw Constable Parker slumped over his desk earlier.

“The good news is, Parker found two instances of a Pak’nSave customer spontaneously breathing fire. Now, I have reviewed the footage from these events, and they had one thing in common.” Maaka pauses for effect.

Minogue leans so far forward that he’s almost crouching on the floor.

“Both the customers were eating pies that were purchased from the supermarket,” Maaka announces.

O’Leary’s eyes widen, while Minogue scratches his chin. “What sort of pies?” he asks.

“That is the million-dollar question, isn’t it? I would like you two to go back to the supermarket and find out.”

“Understood.” O’Leary stands up, ready to go. “I should question Tu—I mean, Ms Taylor again, see what she knows.”

“Good idea. Minogue, you can talk to the baker.”

Minogue’s eyes light up as if he’s just been told he’s won a lifetime supply of pies. “That’s an excellent idea, Sarge.”

Maaka nods. “Thank you, officers. That will be all.”

**Petone Pak’nSave**

The suburb is deserted at this time of day – the commuters have already left for work, and the young and the elderly are still asleep – so O’Leary has no problem finding a park near the supermarket entrance. She and Minogue march into the store, where they part ways, Minogue to track down the baker and O’Leary to search for Tui. The film crew trails O’Leary.

The team was able to identify the two victims from the security footage, and they have the exact times these random individuals breathed fire. O’Leary suggests that Tui find the transactions from a few minutes before each incident.

Tui sighs and tilts her head. “Do you have any idea how many transactions we make each day?” she asks, then catches O’Leary’s gaze and blinks slowly. “But for you, sure.”

“Thank you, Ms Taylor. I appreciate that.” O’Leary smiles.

“You can call me Tui. And you are?”

“I’m Officer O’Leary.”

Tui’s hopeful smile fades. “Okay, why don’t I call you when—oh my god,” she says, pointing at one of her screens. “Look!”

O’Leary gets on the radio while running out of the office. “Minogue? Meet me in the carpark right now. Bring a fire extinguisher if you can.”

As she runs through the supermarket, she explains to the camera what’s going on, avoiding a collision with a toddler. “Tui—I mean Ms Taylor saw a customer bite into a pie and have flames come out of his mouth. Obviously this will be a distressing situation for the person. But no doubt there’s a simple explanation and Minogue and I will have this under control in no time.”

“O’Leary!” Minogue catches up to his colleague. “What’s the situation?” he asks as they run out the supermarket doors and into the car park.

She answers by pointing at a bewildered young man with smoke coming out of his mouth. The combination of his sunglasses and the pie in his hand this early in the morning paints a fair picture of how he spent last night.

While O’Leary gets on the radio to Sergeant Maaka, Minogue approaches the young man. “Sir, are you okay? Sir?”

He glances up at the officers and opens his mouth to speak, but no words come out. Instead, his face crumples in pain.

“I think the pie burnt his mouth,” Minogue deduces.

O’Leary requests an ambulance while Minogue tries to calm down the unfortunate soul who just breathed fire by accident.

“Excuse me, mate,” he says. “Do you mind if I take the pie for analysis?”

The man surrenders the pie, allowing Minogue to examine the packaging. “Huh. Steak and cheese. Lucky bastard; they ran out yesterday.”

O’Leary clears her throat for attention and speaks to the camera. “The paramedics will be here shortly to look after… this gentleman. Once they arrive, Minogue and myself will take a closer look at this pie to see if there is anything unusual about it.”

“What’s your theory, O’Leary?”

“It looks like an ordinary pie to me,” she says. “What do you think?”

“I think the baker put something in the steak and cheese pies.”

That makes O’Leary’s eyes narrow. “Why do you suspect the baker?”

“Well, I didn’t see him _do_ anything exactly, but he was wearing a cape. Based on my professional opinion, there was something off about him.”

“Right.” O’Leary straightens her hat, which got knocked during her sprint through the supermarket. “Let’s go after the baker.”

After making sure the hungover and smoky young man will be okay, they march back into the supermarket. Minogue leads the way to the bakery. The baker is indeed wearing a cape but also, Camera Guy discovers when he zooms in, has horns on his head.

“Excuse me!” Minogue calls. “We’d like to ask you some questions about your pies.”

The baker bolts for it, and the officers make a fast pursuit.

“Are you getting déjà vu or is it just me?” Minogue asks as they run.

“It’s not just you,” O’Leary puffs.

Their radios bleep; Sergeant Maaka is on the line. “Minogue? O’Leary? What’s your status? Over.”

“We approached the baker, but he made a run for it,” replies Minogue. “We’re pursuing him on foot.” There’s a long pause before he adds, “Over.”

“Okay.”

O’Leary leaps over a shopping basket. “How far away are you, Sarge?”

“I’ll be there soon. Keep up the good police work. Over and out.”

The baker makes his way through the supermarket doors and into the car park, where he runs to the nearest vehicle and tries to open the doors. Unfortunately for him, the nearest vehicle is Minogue and O’Leary’s police car, and they catch up to him before he can break in. Perhaps it’s because he’s outnumbered, or perhaps it’s because his career is in jeopardy – if whatever creature he is cares about a career – but he gives up and lets them arrest him.

Minogue looks a little regretful as they handcuff the baker and put him in the back of the car.

Sergeant Maaka arrives not long after, so the officers update him on the spot. He sighs in relief. “I’m glad to hear the end of this, because we’ve got a new case. Carmen Rupe’s ghost has been haunting the Film School.”

**Wellington Police Station**

**Just Before Lunch **

The film crew arrives at the station for the last segment of the show. Camera Guy, glad they’re wrapping up and will be able to go home early, sets up a two-shot of Minogue and O’Leary.

“Ah, we’ve now interrogated the suspect. He claims not to have spiked the delicious steak and cheese pies he’s made recently. But we _were_ able to arrest him for attempting to steal a police vehicle,” says Minogue.

O’Leary nods. “One of the frustrating parts of police work is not getting the answers you were looking for. But at the end of the day, we got this dangerous man off the streets for a while, and he seems to have learnt his lesson. So we’re confident that no more people will suddenly breathe fire in supermarket car parks.”

Camera Guy keeps filming for a little longer, but it seems that’s all the officers are going to say. He stops the recording, and the officers and the film crew thank each other before parting ways for the afternoon.

As the film crew leaves the station, Sound Guy asks Camera Guy what he’s having for lunch. Camera Guy doesn’t feel like a pie for some reason.


End file.
